My Provider

All good things come from God!

I have been planning this trip for weeks in advance to come visit a friend in Orlando. I was looking forward to getting away and spending some time with her, meeting her family and just being able to get away for awhile. Originally the plan was for her to pick me up and we would be spending time in Lake City, which is bout 3 hours north of Orlando.  I bought my ticket with the anticipation of my travels. That day came...

A couple of weeks ago I had mentioned this trip to a friend who offered a timeshare for me to stay at if I needed a place :) I thought that would be such a great alternative and my friend and I could actually spend time in Orlando. Little did I now how much God was setting it up for me because He knew what would happen...He knew what He was doing when He sent me this gift because two days before my trip my friend tells me there is a complication in plans and she does not have transportation to come for me when I arrive...

Today, as I arrived to Orlando airport I had no ride and limited cash, but I was thankful that I had my friend's timeshare already reserved! What a blessing...all I had to do it get to it. So, I was thinking whether to get a cab or rent a car. While attempting to rent a car my card was reclined. The bank tells me my card is locked and I cannot do anything until they open on Monday. Taking a cab would have been plan two except now I needed to watch my cash flow for the week, which was quite limited...

Once again God was in control - he sent me angels in a form of a lady that I happened to know along with her sisters who came for a convention and allowed me to tag along. As long as I did not mind, they would take me to my hotel eventually...I was totally fine with that :)

It was a fun and relaxing field trip, and I was not the one driving!!! Mission accomplished! When we got to the convention, we were all hungry and I got this tabasco turkey with veggies...man it blew my mind! I guess I was really hungry...lol. As we sat down and I was sting this delicious meal I really appreciated the fact that God gave me taste buds to be able to enjoy so many flavours...He did not have to, but He did so that we can ENJOY it :) I was to thankful!

I waited around until they were all done chatting with my lady friend who had no interest in the convention anyway. After that we made another stop - at the Florida mall!!! (I know, boring right? lol - not a chance!). I got to walk around and even was able to get a really good deal on a couple of things that I really needed to get anyway! CHECK! It was solved without my evolvement and because I had to watch my money I did not spend more than I cold afford.

My whole day was planned for me, it was out of my control and in the hands of God. I could have missed the fun and the blessing that God was giving me if I chose to stress about the fact that my friend disappointed me, that I am stuck in the States without sufficient funds trying to take all the matters into my own hands insisting on my own way...but I just said to myself from the beginning that God is in control and that He will provide exactly what I need, that everything happens for a reason. Maybe I was not meant to get into that car for a reason, maybe God knew I needed to save money that I would have spent on a cab or other things if I planned to go to the mall myself...instead, I got an opportunity to exercise patience and trust in Him. I think I passed that test, because at no point did I loose hope and trust that He got this. It feels so good to get out of the way and let God show how much He really is for us!

When I finally arrive to the hotel, it was unbelievable! This was not just a hotel room , it is an amazing apartment overlooking the lake from 19th floor with a kitchen, living room and two bedrooms for me and my friend, who by the way is still able to come! Later I found out that she really had a bad day because even more trouble happen to her and her family today...so glad I did not get mad at her prematurely!

Once again my Daddy totally took care of everything and had me watch His hand at work. I was only able to see it because I was not worried, because I trusted in the fact that He will work everything out for my good even if at the time I did not see how. What an unbelievable day it was today. A true adventure and yet with God there is not need to worry!!!

...and for that I am thankful...

“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. 

Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? 

Look at the birds. 

They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, 

for your heavenly Father feeds them. 

And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?  

Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

 “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. 

And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. 

Why do you have so little faith?

“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. 

~ Matthew 6:25-32

The Desert

"Monolog"

I am in the desert...

Everything is the same...

Wherever you turn all you can see is empty space and nothing else...

All the seasons are mixed up and you don't know whether it's winter or summer...

It would not make any difference anymore, 

'cause you can't feel the pain...

Thoughts can make you drift away for a couple of moments and warm you up at night, 

so you can fall asleep fantasising about that green land 

with exotic birds and trees full of colour...

...where you might have been once before and can't forget...

Suddenly, sandy winds wake you up, 

blowing in your face and you feel the cold running through your body.

Now, the dreamland has evaporated

and you can't think of anything else 

but how to escape from the annoying storm...

~ Iliana G. 

September 28, 2000.

I found this monolog that I wrote in 2000 and it was so fitting!
The moments when we feel like this, the moments when depression creeps in and tries to settle in our hearts and minds. It really does feel like a lifeless desert. No matter where we go or what we do, everywhere we look it all seems to be the same. Depression.

Finding something to be thankful for has been on my mind over the last 30 days, since my last post. Almost every day, even when things were not looking up, I was able to find at least one thing that I was thankful for. Some days that was hard to do, but not because I was not thankful...it was because it is hard to see colour through the eyes filled with desert vision. Anyone who has been through this kind of desert would understand what it feels like...no one likes being in the desert.

Life gives us deserts, however, and they can be incredible experiences. It has been a fully loaded 30 days in a desert for me. My initial reaction was dread and frustration, wanting to find that escape and go back to that happy and green place I am used to, with all the pretty birds and fruit trees, but every time I would wake up to the reality that I was still in the desert. I reached out to God with questions looking for answers and deliverance, awaiting the day when "this too shall pass"...Those are the moments when even praying is hard. Then, something incredible happened.

It was not obvious at the time, but the Lord responded and led me to fast. That was the same time we were going through Matthew 4 at the bible study, when Jesus was tempted in the desert. It was that day that God spoke to me through Isaiah 61 asking me to release my ashes so He can replace them with His beauty. It meant going to the pain, stop holding on to it and release it to Him. It was only then that He would be able to give me His beauty for my ashes. Three days later, the mooring after my fast, I experienced a visitation from my Daddy. He came not as the Almighty God that He is, not the Heavenly Father I pray to...but as a Daddy. My heart was filled with a love that I have never felt, a love for a father I would have experience but whom I never met. In one instant I felt like everything was going to be OK and peace filled my heart! Psalms 68 became real and alive and in that personal moment He really became the Father to the fatherless. The way that He took care of me from that day up to now was nothing short of miraculous, and that peace never left me.

The deserts in our lives, the unwanted experiences of void are also the place where we get to seek Him the most and find Him. It is the place where everything is stripped away and all we are left with is ourselves in out raw form, in our nakedness before God. It is in the desert that we get thirsty...thirsty for Him. Jesus said "If anyone is thirsty, let him come to Me and drink. He who believes in me as the Scriptures said, from his innermost being shall flow rivers of living water" (He was referring to the Holy Spirit)" (John 7:38-39). That was the same Scripture He brought to my mind while I was walking on the beach in Abaco last week.

The key was "Come to Me"...Jesus always calls us to Himself. In the desert that is the only place that we should go if we want to revive our spirit. It was the desert that prepared me for what was to come next. It was the desert that propelled me to go to Him so that He would fill me with the living water, with peace and clarity to see things that I needed to see and to discern situations that He knew were going to come. 

Today I stand in the knowing of the Truth that He is for me. Today I was shown how faithful God is once again and how much He is really for me even when the enemy tries to poison the eyes and perceptions of people I have trusted. Today was a day that the Holy Spirit was so much at work, conquering the battles forged against me. Today I was able to see and discern who is truly walking in the Spirit and who is walking in the flesh. It was like tapping into the spirit world and having the NASCAR VIP pass, constantly being one step ahead. Only the Holy Spirit can grant such revelation, peace and understanding in times like these. The deserts are a cruel place, but being able to see the manifestation of the Holy Spirit at work was priceless!

...and for that...Oh my GOD...I am THANKFUL to YOU!

To all who mourn in Israel,

    he will give a crown of beauty for ashes,

a joyous blessing instead of mourning,

    festive praise instead of despair.

In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks

    that the Lord has planted for his own glory.

~ Isaiah 61:3

Silence...shhh

I find that lately I have been desiring moments of silence. I don't mean just turning everything off and being alone (although that was a part of it)...I mean stillness of thoughts in such a way that you get to experience peace...

Silence and peace really are synonyms. There is so much 'noise' in the world and in our lives. We are constantly bombarded with thoughts and worries, not to mention the obvious noise of traffic and loud voices of people in our lives whom we have to try hard to tolerate (I know it sounds bad, and no, i do not have those people in my life...oomph).

I remember a few years ago, my life coach made us write down one hundred tolerations that we have in our lives...I thought she was joking - that's a lot! Can you think of one hundred things that you TOLERATE? I dare you to go ahead and write them down. They would start with the obvious ones, like the annoying old lady next door who constantly shouts and cusses for no reason at you and the dogs simply because she is old and any noise bothers her and she is too old to hold her emotions, and you have to 'turn the other cheek' because it's just not worth it...so you tolerate it...every day, a few times a day..if you have demanding kids or siblings - that would do it! Then as you get to number forty five, your tolerations are not as obvious. It may be something like: overlooking the fact that you always ask your friends to close the bathroom door to prevent the dogs from going there so the bathroom can stay clean. The static of life, the 'noises' that become tolerations - the small stresses in life, small things that tick you off. What are your tolerations?

Silence...mental break from worry, that peace that surpasses all understanding. We all desire that. Wouldn't that be wonderful to experience? The funny thing is - we have that FREELY available to us on the regular. I used to think that I need to just jump on the plane and go somewhere, get away from everyone and everything to experience some peace. Sometimes I am so tempted to do that even now...and I am sure that in many cases that is definitely the only way to get away. Taking a vacation can be so refreshing and helpful, but that is not always the case...because many times we need a vacation from vacation! As one of my very wise mentors would say, "Wherever you go, there you are", so really, finding rest and making time and space for silence is an intentional choice.

Silence...can you hear it? How wonderful it is to be able to experience the sound of silence while experiencing the presence of everything that is real in that moment...It really does sound so sweet...it's a sound of letting go of tolerations and worries, a sound of peace and rest within one's soul - I believe that's what Heaven feels like. Imagine not even one worry in the world. Better yet, imagine having that even in the midst of storms, confusion and chaos of this life. Perhaps that was what Jesus meant when He taught us to pray "Your Kingdom come on Earth as it is in Heaven" - that we can experience His Kingdom while we are still here...and His peace that surpasses all understanding is just as available to us...so how do we get to experience it?

If we truly believe that the Word of God is true, that His promises are true and that the Holy Spirit - our Comforter, our Counselor, our Helper, our Advocate, our Intercessor and our Strengthener is always available to operate in our lives, shouldn't our lives be impacted drastically? The power of the Holy Spirit is on Standby...waiting for the available opportunity to come into our life, all we have to do is ask, and that power is unleashed. It is not out of our own will and strength, but the awesome Power of the Holy Spirit that allows us to keep calm and keep our peace.

We are not in control of many circumstances nor those around us who bring about tolerations and 'noise' into our lives, but we do have the power available to us, through the Holy Spirit, to react differently to those tolerations and still experience that silence and peace in our hearts...

...and for that I am thankful...

Salvation

Today is Easter Sunday! What a beautiful day filled with His Word, Baptisms, prayers and time spent with such beautiful people.

Words cannot describe nor encompass the overwhelming joy that I am feeling as I reflect on all that this day has brought forth, allowing me to be a part of so many incredible moments!

Above all, it is so humbling to know that God chooses to use me to share the message of salvation with the young people. No matter how I may feel in the days leading to the moment of delivering that message, even the night before as I was studying the Word and praying...all these feelings that try to overcome, making me feel like I am not ready, or that I am not even equipped for such a task...

In the last couple of days as I attempted to study and prepare for the last lesson in the series of Salvation, it has been a challenge. The attacks were many: either I am pressed for time or somethings would come up that would seem to take away the focus. Last night and this morning I was praying that He would give me the Wisdom and His Words to speak, asking Him to increase as I decrease...then I received a phone call form one of the girls who was getting baptised this morning. She tells me that she has a testimony to share. It was so incredible to hear those words knowing that it was her choice to stand for Christ and all that He did in her life... and share it with others!

I am humbled and amazed that His Spirit comes and takes the little that I have to offer and makes it incredibly powerful, making an impact on the hearts of those He calls to Himself...today He allowed me to see that and be a part of that as I watched hearts and lives being changed. And all of this was made possible because of what is now made available to us through the power of the Cross! I get to experience Salvation and the power of the Holy Spirt...

...and for that I am SO Very THANKFUL!!!!

Simple question...or is it?

Every experience in our lives is directly tied to this one thing, this one concept, this one principle of knowing who we truly are. Do you know who you are today? I don't mean your name, your job or your background...do you know who you are?

A part of knowing who you are is also recognising that who you are is always changing and evolving...so it's not a concept that is constant and the same, making it harder to get a grasp of it. It's like trying to pin a moving object, or like chasing a laser light - just when you thought you caught it, it slips way.

Are you able to embrace that you are not who you were two years ago and that you probably are not going to be who you are today in another two years? When you think of that are you feeling excited or fearful of the unknown? Are you disappointed that you are not who you were hoping to be by now? Do you have feelings of regret when you look back at who you used to be?

This one simple concept of who we are can bring about so much baggage and so many thoughts and memories. The mere questions "Who am I?" begs the philosophical conclusion which no one really fully grasps nor has attained a definite end to. It is a question, the answer to which can only be gathered through a lifelong discovery. That is because who we are holds an infinite universe. Each one of us represents an entire universe filled with perceptions, opinions, philosophies on life, rules, guidelines and a historical account of emotional, spiritual and physical experiences. Who we are is an understanding that unravels on three parallel grounds: Body (the anatomical body suit), Soul (the mind, thoughts and emotions) and the Spirit (the God connection)...Three-in-one!

God Created us so much in His image that as He is Three in One, so are we! What does this mean for us? Jesus said that He does not do anything on His own initiative, only what He sees the Father do (John 5:19). He also prays that we would all be one, as He and the Father are One, that we may be perfected in unity. (John 17: 21-23).

Who we are ties into us being whole, in that the body, soul and spirit must unite. You will not have a good sense of who you are if only one part is known and developed. You must line all three parts. Your soul, body and spirit must all be aligned, which is why the Bible says "as the man thinks so is he" (Proverbs 23:7). This is because the body/actions tend to line up with the thoughts/mind. The thoughts come from the soul-part/the heart...and the heart reveals the nature of the spirit that dwells within. If the spirit is evil, then the heart will be tainted, thus producing evil thoughts which result in in bad, evil and corrupt behaviour. An example of the emotion that is attached to that is anger and hatred, which is caused by past hurts. However, if the Holy Spirit dwells within the man, then it creates a pure heart, producing good thoughts and the actions follow, giving us peace. This is a healthy state of heart which can be restored through healing.

So, how can we align all three and what should we align them to? The essence of discovering who we are lies within the answer to this question. Where should we begin our search? Our biggest struggle is that we do not know who we are until we answer this question. Should we focus on the body, the physical, the outward? Or perhaps we should begin with feelings and mental knowledge? Where do the roots of understanding spring from? Certainly they take their origin in the Spirit. Examine your spirit...what dwells there?

Through our Lord Jesus Christ we are promised to be filled with the Holy Spirit, the very Spirit of the Living God, the Spirit of Truth "whom the world cannot receive because it neither sees Him nor knows Him. [BUT] you know Him, for He dwells with you and will be in you" (John 14:17-18). Do you really want to know the truth about who you are? There is only one way - that is through Christ!

2 Corinthians contains this beautiful passage: "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where there is Spirit of the Lord there is freedom. And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit." Imagine what would happen if you were to line up your mind, body and feelings to this revelation knowledge. Imagine being transformed into the image of the One who made you to be uniquely you - a one of a kind masterpiece! This is why when you are in Christ and the Holy Spirit dwells in you, you would not have the thoughts that would defile your entire body, nor would you act in the way that would contradict Christ's Spirit that is in you. On the contrary, you would continue to become more and more like Him, striving to seek His righteousness, aligning all parts of who you are to that knowledge and understanding of who you are created to be - who you are in Christ. You would grow in love for Jesus and will gladly obey Him.

Just imagine what would happen if we not only saw ourselves this way but others also. How would that change the way we treat our brothers and sisters in Christ...and how it would break our hearts for those who are lost and are perishing without Him. I believe this would inspire us to care for them because we would see who they truly are through Christ's eyes, in hopes that they too would want to discover their true selves. Today I know who I am in Christ...

...and for that I am thankful...

"Knowing who I am and constantly anchoring myself in that truth 

trumps what others think of me." ~ Iliana.

Today

This day is what I am thankful for!

Days come and go so quickly and we seldom stop and be thankful for the simplicity that each day brings...Oh how much we take for granted! Today is a gift filled with opportunities to experience God's love, to bask in His relentless love and an opportunity to give love to others.

I am very thankful for today because in one day there were many ways in which I was able to see the beauty and love that God extends into my life through others! In many small ways He showed up and reminded me today that He is always there to encourage, provide, protect and empower me in my walk. His love is so constant and so evident!

This morning as I was planning the day trying to line up all the things that needed to get done, like the licensing on my car before the meeting and at the same time trying not to worry about other things that tend to be a distraction. That is when I get a call from a friend who offers to make breakfast "just to help me get my week started right"! I show up and here is what I find waiting just for me...I am humbled and blown away...

Home cooked egg omelette and Frappuccino...just because! What a great start to a day! The day was filled with amazing moments which all came together so beautifully. It was in the simple things that so often one would overlook or take for granted, like the fact that there was someone to help to get the car licensed (and you know the eternal line that takes hours on the last day of the month!), which allowed me to make it to my meeting in time! Or perhaps it's the way the Holy Spirit led me to arrange a meeting which ended up ministering to me in a way that was so refreshing and so much needed today...truly a blessing! Only God can be so precise in orchestrating exactly what you need in that day, providing this day just what you need practically, emotionally and spiritually...

We never know what tomorrow will bring, what we have is today. Today is when we get a chance to notice the way God works in our lives through the smallest moment, the way He speaks to us to remind us that we are His, that we matter...it's in the way He refreshes us at the right time, if we are only willing to listen and be led, with a thanksgiving heart. 

Today was a day when I let go of all the desire to control the outcome, but to once again - surrender to His will and follow His leading. Today I got a renewed desire to obey His guidance without fear of tomorrow...

...and for that I am thankful!

"Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble."

~ Matthew 6:31-34

The Round Table

Furniture in the house is very functional and serves so many useful purposes. It is the difference between sleeping in bed or on the floor, for example. One of my best friends used to always crash at my place and sleep on the couch. At that time I had my old couch and the wood and springs were making themselves known to her, although she is not one of those people to complain. Since then I had long replaced the couch with a much better lounging type couch that can seat at least 5 people comfortable. It is soft and cushiony, sometimes even more comfortable to sleep on than my own bed. Recently my friend came for a visit and was in amazement and a bit of disappointment because all she could remember was all those springs poking her and oh, how much she wished this was the couch she was crashing on! "Now you decide to get a good couch", she said to me halfway jokingly, "when I had to endure all that pain!"

What about a table? I have a great glass top table that I did not use much in the past. I would rather eat in my room using a nice tray. Not very often have I seen the dinner table used unless it's a family setting, or perhaps you have visitors over to share a meal. Even then, many families now a  days do not sit at the dinner table, everyone goes about their business...

However, as of recent, the round dinner table has been getting a lot of action: it's a place of study, work, morning devotions, shared meals, but most importantly - it has become a centre where many conversations and prayers would happen. There is something very intimate and special about sitting at a round table facing one another. If only that round table could speak it would tell a story of many stories. Oh how wonderful it is to have that round table, but most importantly, to make use of it in this way...where friends and family come together to share and partake...share meals, partake in conversations, share lives, fellowship and commune with one another and God. A round table, so simple and mundane, yet so endless in what it is able to offer when used in this way...so many life stories and prayers shared at that table...

...and for that I am thankful...

The Fellowship of the Believers

"And they devoted themselves to the apostles' teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers."

~Acts 2:42