A part of knowing and learning who I am is realising how much I need to embrace vulnerability. This is definitely a learning curb in my journey and it is filled with pitfalls and errors. I find life beautiful even with the struggles - especially with the struggles. Interestingly enough, all life is filled with troubles and yet James, the brother of Jesus, tells us to consider it 'an opportunity for great joy' (James 1:2). I find it fascinating! An opportunity for great joy? Yes! It is because when we fail, struggle and fall that we are able to grow as we learn to endure. Is it fun? Nope not so much...
As I reflect on my life's journey and the mistakes that I have made, I realise that it was because of the mistakes and overcoming those pitfalls and being vulnerable enough to recognise the areas where I am weak that I am stronger today. "At the core of vulnerability lie shame and fear...but also joy, creativity, belonging and love" if we learn to let go, accept our weaknesses, realise that we are enough and get past the fears and shame of the past (adopted from Brene Brown). When we do, we discover that pot at the end of the rainbow filled with the love, joy, creativity and belonging.
The weakness that I have struggled with the most is perfectionism, and I have been working on it. Being aware of it and admitting it was the first step towards vulnerability. Posting it in my blog, that is probably step #100! I must say, it's not always easy admitting the areas where were are weak, but bringing these things into the light is what takes the power away from having them control us.
Today I realise that it is not because I have my ducks in a row (which I don't), or because I have it all together (which I don't), or have things figured out (which, again - I don't) that I am strong. What makes me strong is knowing that I do not have to be, that I can be vulnerable and I can embrace my weaknesses, fully accepting the fact that I am not meant to rely on my own strength because I am human. I am human, I am weak...and that is ok, because I am His and He is STRONG!
What makes me strong is the One who created me gives me the strength that I need in my weakness. I am learning to let go of the illusion of being in control and learning to fully rely on the One who is the source of strength knowing that I am enough.